I even tried to break up with him a couple of months later, because I thought the differences in our backgrounds were too great. Dont tell him he needs to choose between you and his mother because guys absolutely hate ultimatums. OGVmYWYyNjVjN2FmZTk3YmM3YWNkNDc2ZGRjNjgzODk2NjBkYzczOGE4YThi & with them being such a large group there's pretty much some sort of gathering every week that he wants to go to. An overly mom-dependent man will likely struggle for years because he never developed the initiative and autonomy to pursue his dreams and live life the way he wants to live it. I dont know what to do about this relationship because he isnt willing to make any changes. Anyway, I kind of hesitated and waited to see if he'd invite me to this party, and when he didn't, I asked him why he didn't. & makes me feel that we need time together more than ever. If your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, your boyfriend isn't just agreeing with his mother and listening to her advice. Welcome to r/relationship_advice. If your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, your boyfriend isn't just agreeing with his mother and listening to her advice. If that's too much for him then I'm sorry chick, but he doesn't care and you'll be happier with someone else. Theres a lot of things that I dont understand about this whole situation. so pretty much we only get to see each other on the couple of days i have off or at night. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Boyfriend choses family over me on holidays, By entering this site you declare My parents are divorced and I live with my mum and sister. YjNjOTJiZDc2OTcxYWMzM2E2ZWRkN2M3ZDY1YjQ3Yzg5MWViYWJiYzFiMTI2 The next thing I need to do is figure out what has kept him from talking with me about this whole situation. ZjhlODgxMjY4OTg3YWVhY2NiM2RhNDYwZWQ1ODJhNTNkMDU1YTA4ODU5YmIy My BIL married into this. Before he and his family ruins your life. Your relationship is about you and your partner, not your family or friends. It drives me crazy because Im not getting the time I need from him. how to make your boyfriend choose you over his family, my boyfriend always chooses his family over me, My boyfriend's family is ruining our relationship, My boyfriends mom is ruining our relationship, The Difference Between Love You And I Love You. And then she left him so she could screw around. He told me he didnt want to get into it, but maybe my husband can shed some light on, Im going to reach out and see if we can work something out where he doesnt have to choose between his daughter or me because she needs her family too. Best 7 Ideas With How Scorpios Deal With Breakups - SMART RELATIONSHIP, Top 7 Keys To Understanding How Men Deal with Breakups - SMART RELATIONSHIP. What Girls & Guys Said. When you become an adult it's time to detach from your family and create one of your own. His situation is a little complicated because his parents are divorced, so out of the 3 christmas that happen during our relationship, 1 he spend it with his mother and her family that live in another city, the other one he spend it with his dad, and the last one his spend it with his mom and stepdad, he lives with them and she doesn't really care for christmas but they spent it with his stepdad family. This isnt just unhealthy but also damaging to the relationship. MGUxMDc0Nzc1NjI0YTlhZTM0NTVmYjBhZDFlYmYwNTVlNzE2YWVmMzc2MDYx I heard those kind of problems from friends MWI2ODQ2M2RkMzcxZTA1NTViOWU2ZmRkNDVhZjUwYTZhNWViNDFkNjVhYzEz Your boyfriend may have had a very close relationship with his family for his entire life and never questioned it. What do I do? A perfect guy, but he ended up having to choose between me and his . I don't know what to do, I don't want to lose her. My boyfriend doesnt show me any love anymore. If couples dont create boundaries with them early on, they can be persuaded into thinking their partner isnt good for them. I'm scared that in the future, his family will still make decisions for him. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Thank you for this article Zan! Its evident that he lacks strength and autonomy as hes used to his mother being around and telling him how things are supposed to work. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. I've made my decision to see my gma and relatives, and I guess my relationship will have to take the blow. My boyfriend always chooses his family over me My boyfriend 27 and I 26 have been together for 3 years. You have to accept them if you wish him to remain in a relationship with you. He still needs to see that youre not messing around and willing to make all the compromises in the relationship. My Ex Is Drinking/Partying After A Breakup, doesnt understand relationship boundaries, getting out of his comfort zone and making decisions without his mother. Try to ask him about it. ZjNjNmU4YWIyYmUwNGU5ZWE2MTQ2OTgzODY4NjAzNTM5MDBkMjMyZDcxMjYy That will convey to your partner that the topic is serious and that hed better take you seriously and do something about it. Do not emphasize this too much maybe. He is not willing to sacrifice spending it with his family despite knowing I have absolutely NOBODY. His family should be making room for you in their lives. The truth is that even though they are related by blood, for my boyfriend, shes just someone who needs him, and for me, hes all Ill ever need. I dont know what I did wrong. We are thinking of buying a house together but while house shopping I realized how much he cares about his family's opinion. I'm thinking of ending my 4yr. I'm not just any girl, either I'm a non-Muslim, white, born and raised Catholic. For example, dating is prohibited hence why there are so many arranged marriages in the faith. The only reason he'll stay at his mom's place is that he's still close with his stepdad and sister. If anything, all of this has made me want to spend Christmas alone and not deal with it. Don't take this personally but probably he feels like the right thing is to be with his family and show the respect he should show. It hurts so much . So, in a way, I feel bad for his mom. As difficult as it may be, try to remind yourself that your ex left because he wasnt willing to understand you and compromise. His mother was in charge of things and sadly still is. YTIxMmU3YWEwODk5YWQ2YTc3NjAxODk2ZDllZjRmNDA2YTFjMDQ4MjYyNjM3 I came back home to spend my Summer holidays with my parents. i did, and I don't regret it. . So much so that I've never even met her, nor am I allowed on her property (which is actually no issue for me I'm OK with staying far away from her, believe it or not). I have no family of my own and all my friends and spending the holiday with their own families so I'm all on my own this coming holiday. I feel like I come last in his life. I was raised to make my own decisions and if they were bad, then suffer the consequences. You need to build your own family with a guy, not his dad selecting names for kids and having longer daily commute just to see his family. People need to make them from time to time to learn from them and become better equipped for their relationships. You are his family too. MTQxNjUzYTY4NmM4ODY5YzE3ZjYwIn0= Where we work same city as mom. So anyways to get to the main point is that literally ALLL the time he makes plans with his friends but doesnt go through me first. Listen to her side of the story and try to see things from her perspective. Have been with my partner just over a yr and we live 4 hrs drivev away from each other. Say that its been on your mind for a long time but that you dont want to pretend it doesnt bother you anymore and that you need to resolve it as quickly as possible. I encourage fellow readers to reach out and share your experiences and opinions so that it may assist the writer and any future readers in similar circumstances. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) OTFmNzBlMmUzZGI5YzZlMjYwZDQxNmFhMWYxNDViNTg0MjRlYjIyYjEzNzYx You can only rejoice because you can finally stop worrying about his invasive mother and the problems she brought to the relationship. Maybe its time for me to stop blaming myself and move on with my life. Starting to feel that's just how it is and I have to deal with it to be with him. YTg0NzE5NmZmZWUyNzMyNmM3OGI3OGQ0NmU5OGZhYjVhYzkwYjlmY2Y5OGE0 My friends have pretty mixed opinions about it, so I'm looking for an unbiased opinion here! Your best bet for the current situation is to tell him to go to this and make it up to you later. Exactly. My advice is to talk about it with the guy first and try to resolve things. Im only reaching out because, in the end, we are still family. I knew a Guy who had about five close friends and drinking buddies. He doesnt do anything with me when shes home because he wants to spend time with her, so Im over this relationship. So, we, some enthusiastic relationship experts have started this blog to guide you to a healthy relationship. Boyfriend chooses his sister over me. In your case, shes focusing on your boyfriend. Honest Conversation With Him If your boyfriend constantly prioritizes his family over you, it can be tough to feel like you're a priority in his life. She thinks I hate her because I am not spending it with her? NTU4Y2Q1ZmY4YmRjNmNlNDMxMDI0YjBmM2QxOGUyMjRiNDZlMTgwN2U1ZTQw But he can't disobey his parents and he still chooses them all the time instead of me because he thinks he has no choice and he is obligated to. I'm currently in the same situation and idk what to do. ODMzMTU0MDAxMzkzYzQ4M2ZmNjU3NjhhNTY1ZmEzNDZmNjZiZWZkZjgyY2Zk But he can't disobey his parents and he still chooses them all the time instead of me because he thinks he has no choice and he is obligated to. Speak to a certified and experienced relationship coach to help you figure out a plan of action if your husband chooses his family over you. Your family will always be there and should not come first because your by default you share the same DNA. Just as I have my own religious values, I must accept hers for what they are. -----BEGIN REPORT----- My husband doesnt spend money on me is that ok? YmM0Mjk3NjQzNDQ3YjhlMmJiZjVhN2YyMzdmMDhkYWJiYjM4MzcyMDljNDM4 Being Mexican, your BF is weak, plans with SO are important and he needs to follow through. Why Do I Keep Seeing My Ex-Boyfriend's Name Everywhere? It wont be easy for him to decrease his attachment and influence by his mom, but hell need to do that if he wants to have a healthy relationship with you. Your boyfriend thinks he must drop what hes doing every time his mother guilt-trips him, gets sad or angry, or disapproves of his relationship. YjRhMDg2ZmE4MDZkZmQzNzc3YmZiMmFiMTUwZjBhM2I5MjY1NDZkZGU4Zjg1 Well could you reframe that to "maybe you are allowing her control you because you care about her?". My dad was a single dad to 3 children when he met my mum. You have to compromise in any relationship. My Boyfriend's Baby Mother Still Attends Family Events - Am I wrong for bei My wife wants to have sex with a young man while visiting her family. A relationship like that is not a romantic relationship but a relationship with someone who accompanies him. I don't want my family to feel like I no longer care about them. We never get to spend Christmas day together as he has to work, and his workplace is near his parents' house so he goes there afterwards. By PopSugar Written on May 23, 2022. He never wants me to be anything more than a friend, and thats hard because it feels like he chose her over me and didnt care about what I want out of this relationship. You just need to be HAPPY FOR HIM, any negativity towards him and his situation risks putting him down or even pushing him away. Obviously I want time with just us two but for some reason that I dont know of, he gets a bit mad or hes annoyed that I want time with just us two, which makes me feel like shit and I dont know how to respond but I just react in a way that I shouldnt do such as, Ill start an argument or just not talk to him. Her weekends are filled with this and she knows it will doom her. If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. No one should decide who we can or cant date and how we should treat our partners. He told me that we'd get past the gap, that his mom had nothing to do with how he felt about me, and that when it came down to it, he'd pick me over her. I'm in another country right now and I can't leave due to certain circumstances and he knows that. There is a watch out. My girlfriend of 4 years wants me to spend Christmas with her. And that wont solve any problems. Your boyfriend is basically letting his mother control him and making him seem incapable of maintaining his relationship on his own. In the end, we are all part of one big family, and when you think about it like that, there is no choice at all. Now she only has to be a mom two weekends a month. Seems very family oriented and his sister really likes me. Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. He wants to spend time with ex and children. Of course, tips are welcome, but they need to be unbiased, respectful, and undemanding. Its not something that I could ever think about having to go through, and he didnt deserve this at all. What billybill is saying. Its time to take care of my needs and think about myself. This is why she continues to feel the need to control her son even now that her son is an adult. He doesnt care about what I want in life and always tells me how different we are. Despite committing to you and telling you he loves you, the guy is showing you that youre not his number one person and that things will stay that way for as long as his mother is around. It used to grind my gears that she wouldn't even give me a chance. Thats the only way hell regain some independence and demonstrate that he respects you and prioritizes you. Thanksgiving is next week. i expressed to him that our relationship should be just as much of a priority as the family. Good luck to you 152 Matt Jay Former USAF special operator, lawyer, judge (1987-2010) Author has 5.1K answers and 5.9M answer views 1 y It is not your duty to bring it up, but it is a good question and one you are interested in hearing the answer too.. I'm in the same situation. I then assure him that he can go play, and he will just walk off and go play. Hed been wired to avoid pain and drama by yielding to superior forces. She doesnt realize that shes trying to fill the hole in her life and feel needed and important. Quite the contrary, she's sort of just let her son float away like a balloon on a cool, cloudless day. In doing so, hell placate her anger and make her feel important for being listened to. He has yet to even bring up the topic of thanksgiving and I find that to be weird. I know we were raised differently. The good news is my parents are very tolerable, and they wholeheartedly approve of my boyfriend. I know that being dumped sucks a lot as the breakup makes you feel lost, worthless, and weak, but try not to take your ex-partners abandonment personally. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two months. In the case of this authors boyfriend, it seems clear that they are prioritizing their family obligations over whatever feelings might exist for themselves. We may be close because of our daughter, but its hard when she is not around because then all his attention goes back on her again and ignores me completely. Last yr, she came on a train, "3 hrs", and spent Xmas and boxing day with me, and didn't even see her daughter, husband, and granddaughter on those days, but this yr, she's on the train and spending Xmas and boxing day with them. It drives my boyfriend chooses his family over me crazy because Im not getting the time I need him... 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